There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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