Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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