They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
