The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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