And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
