therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
