Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
