yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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