If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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