Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
