I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
