i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
