that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
