Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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