saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize