apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
