Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
