Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
