I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
