doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
