I wish you could order shots online.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
