I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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