shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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