i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
