I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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