Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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