At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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