Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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