Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
