So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
People in love make me want to vomit
I feel like abortions should bother me more
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
