I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
