I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
