all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
