just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
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Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
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Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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