Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
