When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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