I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
