I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
