yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
