im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i wish my penis had a tongue
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
