Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
