Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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