How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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