Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
