i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
