You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
