Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
