Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
