apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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