Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
