You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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