youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
