i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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