We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
