we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
