I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
