guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
