grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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