We won't sleep together?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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