So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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