I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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