if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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