just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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