So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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