just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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