I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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