I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
