so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
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You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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