He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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