he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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