the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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