I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
