i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
