he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
